Norglish - How Norwegian companies are butchering
the English language
A recent survey conducted by EF (Education First)
ranking proficiency in spoken English among non-native English speakers found
that Norwegians are currently ranked second in the world, only outdone by their
pesky next-door neighbours the Swedes. I’m sure there are many skilled
multi-linguists in Norway, who are fluent in English and a number of other
languages, and who are capable of conversing and writing in these languages at
the highest level. But this doesn’t change the fact that most Norwegians find
it difficult to communicate in a foreign language, and that is what we are
going to focus on here.
In a world that gradually keeps getting smaller due
to modern technology, free trade and cheap intercontinental flights, a vast
ocean of opportunities has presented itself to Norwegian companies, and it is
one that they have wholeheartedly embraced. It goes without saying that a
business has to promote itself and especially one that is looking to expand
into new markets overseas, in which case it has to promote itself in a language
that is widely spoken, a lingua franca, and in the world of international
commerce that language happens to be English. This means that Norwegian
companies have to use a language that they don’t necessarily have an intimate
knowledge of, and this is where things start to get a little bit tricky.
Ask any Norwegian about their English skills and
they will without the slightest hint of doubt inform you that they are as close
to fluent as humanly possible. They will also try to convince you that they are
more than capable of traversing the treacherous continent that is the English
language. Sadly overconfidence does not always correlate with
competence, and the contrail that the overconfident often leave behind is
replete with glaring errors and hilarious mistakes that normally elicit a good
laugh on his/her behalf.
Most people are probably familiar with the
portmanteau ‘Chinglish’ (the Chinese version of English). They are probably
less familiar with the term ‘Norglish’(The Norwegian version of English). Hence
I have decided to include some examples below in order to give people a better
understanding of this peculiar Norwegian phenomenon. So sit back and enjoy, and
try not to have a laughter induced heart attack when going over these literary
gems found on various websites belonging to some of Norway’s most distinguished
businesses. Sadly, they are blissfully unaware that they have butchered the
English language beyond the pale and turned it into a frankensteinish
monstrosity that should never have seen the light of day.
A mountain resort in Oppland
Ever heard of the Swedish
chef from the Muppet Show? Well, he has finally figured out how to use the word
processor on his laptop, and he has now started to publish material online.
Here are a few of the things that he has to say;
With a season that lasts from the end
of October to late April a season pass would be a profitable investment.
The ski resort is a popular place spending days in winter season.
The ski resort is a popular place spending days in winter season.
In the ski centre you can spend days in our
prepared ski slopes with ski lift and challenges.
Contact us for a price quote on booking
of large groups and events.
Norway’s national cross country team and Project Ski2014 organized by Olympia top uses xxxxxxxxxx as one of their gathering places.”
Norway’s national cross country team and Project Ski2014 organized by Olympia top uses xxxxxxxxxx as one of their gathering places.”
Number 9
A
distinguished hotel in BergenNot only has this hotel won numerous awards for its spectacular architecture, it has also been nominated on several occasions for the prestigious ‘Norglish Awards’, colloquially referred to as “The Norgies’. However, it has never been able to win this highly coveted prize.
New owners has since 2006 been carefully
renovating the hotel. We welcome you to a good hotel exprience in one of
Norway's most beautiful cities.
There's hardly a hotel in Bergen
that's better accessible.
A leading hotel in Bodø
Here’s an example of Norglish that actually makes the average machine translated text look ‘pretty darn’ good. Rumour has it that these particular excerpts were written on the hotel's guest computer by the most educated member of the staff during a strategy meeting in the library.
Nothing but the best is
good enough when you stay with us, and here at xxxxxx we aspire to give our
best to accompany your needs.
Our close collaboration with the Bodø Culture House gives us the possibility to offer you package prizes on hotel and show tickets. “
They also have great deals for sports fans.
“If there is availability we also offer our conference facilities to your disposal if needed for strategy meetings beforehand of a game. We can also offer nutritious and tasty game food, either served at the hotel or at a chosen venue.”
Number 7
Another prominent hotel in Bodø;
Think our written English is bad? Just wait until you hear our spoken English!
“The hotel offers a colourful and modern environment for post-war architecture and details from the rich history. Among the many known guests who have stayed here is Knut Hamsun, who wrote the book Segelfoss from a hotel room in 1915.
We have long term environmental goals for both humans and our surroundings. This is why all our hotels have environmental certifications, both the nordic standard "the Swan" and the international ISO environmental standard ISO 14001. In addition we encourace all our guests to choose a healthy lifestyle and inform of our offers in the reception.
Number 6
A mountain resort in Geilo;
So deliciously written that it almost makes you want to print this page and eat it, especially in the wintertime. Expect to pay top-notch prices, that could go up in the blink of an eye, at this exquisite establishment.
“We warmly welcome you to our xxxxxx Spa. Here, you will enter a new world, where calm and pleasure are the first things you encounter. In our smart reception area and Shiseido perfumery, there will always be someone ready to fulfil your requests
Our background as a center for health and well-being holds us accountable. Because of it, we can only allow our Spa facility to be absolute top-notch.
A delicious three course menu is usually what the dinner consists of in the winter. During the winter weekends we have a seafood buffet every Friday and on Saturdays we offer a four course menu.
We reserve the right to adjust our rates should VAT/ Tax be imposed according to Norwegian law.”
Our close collaboration with the Bodø Culture House gives us the possibility to offer you package prizes on hotel and show tickets. “
They also have great deals for sports fans.
“If there is availability we also offer our conference facilities to your disposal if needed for strategy meetings beforehand of a game. We can also offer nutritious and tasty game food, either served at the hotel or at a chosen venue.”
Number 7
Another prominent hotel in Bodø;
Think our written English is bad? Just wait until you hear our spoken English!
“The hotel offers a colourful and modern environment for post-war architecture and details from the rich history. Among the many known guests who have stayed here is Knut Hamsun, who wrote the book Segelfoss from a hotel room in 1915.
We have long term environmental goals for both humans and our surroundings. This is why all our hotels have environmental certifications, both the nordic standard "the Swan" and the international ISO environmental standard ISO 14001. In addition we encourace all our guests to choose a healthy lifestyle and inform of our offers in the reception.
Number 6
A mountain resort in Geilo;
So deliciously written that it almost makes you want to print this page and eat it, especially in the wintertime. Expect to pay top-notch prices, that could go up in the blink of an eye, at this exquisite establishment.
“We warmly welcome you to our xxxxxx Spa. Here, you will enter a new world, where calm and pleasure are the first things you encounter. In our smart reception area and Shiseido perfumery, there will always be someone ready to fulfil your requests
Our background as a center for health and well-being holds us accountable. Because of it, we can only allow our Spa facility to be absolute top-notch.
A delicious three course menu is usually what the dinner consists of in the winter. During the winter weekends we have a seafood buffet every Friday and on Saturdays we offer a four course menu.
We reserve the right to adjust our rates should VAT/ Tax be imposed according to Norwegian law.”
Number 5
A mountain resort near Rjukan.
A perfect example of Norglish Confucianism, which could quite possibly
be attributed to the magic mushrooms that grow in the hills around the hotel;
“Our goal: to be the first resort with alpine
skiing, every season
Fresh air, real food and good logistics. You can also bring your company to xxxxxxxxx for a
new and inspiring experience. We offer meeting- & conference rooms for up
to 200 persons. In addition we can also arrange out door activities for your
group.”
A luxurious hotel in Trondheim;
This text was apparently written by an employee who
was given a B minus on an English assignment in high school back in 1989,
highlighting the importance of always giving accurate and concise directions;“The xxxxxxxx is centrally located in Trondheim only a few steps away from Trondheim’s shopping street Nordre and is very easy to find. We have limited parking available in our garage and public parking close by. A short walk from the xxxxxxxx you will find the local busses and the Train Station. The Airport Bus that takes you to Trondheim Airport Værnes in 40 minutes stops very close to the hotel when leaving for the airport and within walking distance as you arrive.
Norwegian and foreign artists have been characterized in their own rooms in the "Artist Street" in the 3rd floor in xxxxxxxxx. The art gives the room a unique character and provides an additional experience to your stay. In addition to the Artist rooms the xxxxxxxx features a large art collection throughout its corridors and public spaces.
Number 3
A hotel in Moss.
The author of this saucy text has apparently also written several articles for the Norwegian version of Playboy Magazine. He also works part time as a sales rep for a pool equipment company, and he is frequently spotted working out in the gym with new and exciting devices;
Try our new outdoor pool,
where up to 8 people can have a relaxing hot Jacuzzi. Book in some time before
dinner, so you can enjoy an extended aperitif while you bathe. We also provide
a high quality sauna, for an extra hot and sweaty experience, you can ask the
receptionist to turn up the temperature in the sauna.
For those who want to
exercise, we recommend trying our golf simulator with over 70 tracks. Usage is
free for our residents. We also have a small gym with new and varied devices.
Outdoors we also have a huge chess game.
Number 2
A hotel in Ålesund
The individual who wrote this text is
so watchful and service oriented that he actually took it upon himself to
write this text without even being asked to do so by the owners of the hotel.
That’s what I call eager to please!;
Xxxxxxxx
is called an international boutique hotel, and that’s true enough. But most
important are the things you don’t see. For instance, we insisted on the luxury
mattresses that we might buy as gifts to ourselves.”
Number 1
A Norwegian hotel association.
If Norglish was a subject taught at
University then surely the person responsible for this poetic tongue twister
would be bestowed with an honorary degree. He or she obviously wanted to give
it that refined and sophisticated appearance that looks so impressive when done
properly. Truly a Norglish literary gem!;
A very
definite perception of the responsibilities of the proprietor is required to
qualify, with the relating of history forming the setting for the guests’ own overnight
stay and gastronomic experience.
Our aim is to use the past as a
backdrop for our guests, to enable them to create their own history based on
experiences. It is our hope that these narrations may continue to live in the
memories of our guests long after their return home.”
Leave the hustle and bustle of
daily life and enjoy a few days with the person of your choice inNorway. We can
offer you peace and quiet, lovely surroundings and good food and wine. We
prepare the setting in which romance can blossom.”